Warning: Just like my brain, this article contains 99% nonsense and 1% valuable information.
About a week or so ago, I had an epiphany. I woke up, checked Twitter, and thought to myself, “I think I believe in God again.” After spending years questioning what the so-called God has done for the world, I finally got my answer.
“The earth was formless and void, and darkness was over the surface of the deep, and the Spirit of God was moving over the surface of the
limp dicksbarren art fields. Then God said, “Let there be Emma Watson’s boobs”; and there was Emma Watson’s boobs.” – Genesis 6:9
Yeap, Ms. Emma Watson posed kinda-sorta-not-so-nude for Vanity Fair. And it’s great. I was happy, my friends were happy, the world was happy and Emma Watson was clearly very happy too. But c’mon, are we truly millennials if we don’t get our panties in a bunch about every single thing? So, of course, there was backlash.
People started calling bullshit on her feminist views.
One person tweeted:
“Feminist: Page 3 girls? Topless? Ban them! Emma Watson topless? Brave and Stunning! #hypocrisy”
But it wasn’t just regular lifeless, jobless, “haven’t gotten laid in 5 years” morons who were calling her out, but prominent figures (by prominent, I mean more than 50k follows on Twitter, because that’s how we measure prominence these days) as well.
Julia Hartley-Brewer tweeted:
“Feminism, feminism… gender wage gap… why oh why am I not taken seriously… feminism… oh, and here are my (t*ts)!”
VERY IMPORTANT SIDE NOTE: Julia Hartley-Brewer has 65.1k Twitter followers, a staggering 15.1k more followers than the required-to-be-prominent 50k followers. In other words, she’s pretty fucking powerful. But not nearly as important or powerful as Kim Kardashian, and the great one himself, Pakalu Papito.
There are two very important lessons we can learn from Julia Hartley-Brewer’s tweet:
- Never send your kids to whatever school Julia Hartley went to.
- A lot of people are still confused on what feminism actually means.
Am I to believe that all those who are confused on the meaning of feminism are living under a rock somewhere without an active internet connection and/or illiterate? Because if you just google the word feminism, which should take you no more than one second, this will pop out:
Do any of those words translate to “BOOBS,” “ASS” OR “NUDITY?”
So, unless you’re the by-product of an orgy involving Patrick Star, Lloyd Christmas and fucking Donald Trump, there is absolutely no excuse for you to be a complete retard.
In fact, my uncle’s grand cousin’s sister’s son is actually pronounced medically retarded by 275 doctors across the universe, and even he knows what feminism is.
Oh, you can’t understand what words like “advocacy,” “basis,” “equality,” and “liberation” is? Well let me break it down for you.
FEMINISM FOR DUMMIES:
- If men can fuck everything with a pair of boobs all day all night, and not be called a whore, then women should have the freedom to suck as many dicks as they want and not be slut shamed for it too.
- “A key that can open many locks is called a master key, but a lock that can be opened by many keys is a lousy lock.” If you believe in this phrase, you belong in Arkham Asylum.
- If men can choose to work and pursue their careers, then women should be allowed to work and pursue their careers too.
- The KITCHEN is not gender specific. The most popular chef in the world is a MAN – Gordon Ramsay. USA managed to send someone to space because of the genius of three WOMEN. Though admittedly, this meme is fucking hilarious:
- If men are allowed to hit the gym and get bulging biceps, then women should be allowed to do so too without being judged.
- If men can drink and pass out drunk, women should be allowed to do the same.
- If men can smoke cigarettes, then women should be allowed to do the same. Stupidity is also not gender specific.
- If men are allowed to masturbate, women should be allowed to do the same. Remember, the two greatest things in life is weed and masturbation.
- If men can talk about sex in public, women should be allowed to do the same.
- If men are allowed to pose nude for magazines, then women should be allowed to pose nude for magazines too.
MISCONCEPTION ON FEMINISM:
- “All feminists are women.” Feminism is the advocacy of women’s rights. It doesn’t matter if you’re a woman, man or a God damn coconut tree, if you believe women should have the same rights as men, you’re a feminist.
- “If you’re a feminist, you’re not allowed to dress sexily.” No, Dear lord. I consider myself a feminist and I say, if you WANT to flaunt your body, by all means, please do! No bra day? No panties day? No clothes day? Halle fucking lujah!
- “Men do not have to open doors for women anymore.” Unless you’re a dickhead, BOTH men and women should open doors for everyone: other men, other women, old people, disabled people, kids, Ewoks, Wookies. But if you see Jar Jar Binks, slam that door in his face hard and hope to God he dies.
- “Feminist hate men.” If you have a female friend who seems to be hating on men in the name of feminism, trust me, it’s because she’s a moron. Feminism has nothing to do with it.
“Feminism is about giving women choice. Feminism is not a stick with which to beat other women with. It’s about freedom. It’s about liberation. It’s about equality. It’s not — I really don’t know what my tits have to do with it.” – Hermione Granger, buffalo fucker.
And NO, Emma Watson did not once upon a time say, “BEYONCE IS NOT FEMINIST.” It’s time for assclowns to start reading shit beyond the click-bait titles.
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May the force be with you!